Letter to my Mom (part 8)

Mom,

Mother's day is fast approaching.  It is amazing to think  you have been gone for over three years.  I was always told mourning would return during major life events.  I knew it would, but that didn't help prepare me.

In eight days mom, Ryan and I wil be adopting two of the most wonderful kids.  They are gorgeous.  They have such wonderful personalities.  They absolutely love Grandpa Paul and I know they would have loved you too. 

It breaks my heart that I won't and haven't been able to share this journey with you.  This roller coaster of emotions.  The moments of heartache, the moments of unbelievable joy. 

You would have loved getting random pictures sent to you.

You would have loved to know that they beg to go over to your house every weekend.

You would have loved to see the pure delight on their face when they see you. 

You would have loved to see them ride the toy tractors around in your backyard.

Today is hard mom.  The excitement and joy of knowing the adoption date is quickly approaching with the pure sadness of you won't be in that courtroom and you'll never get to know E's silly personality and A's kindness. 

i love you.

your favorite,
kaci jo 

Announcement

Adoption

"As you watch us struggle and celebrate and cry and flail, we also want you to know that adoption is beautiful, and a thousand times we’ve looked at each other and said, “What if we would’ve said no?” God invited us into something monumental and lovely, and we would’ve missed endless moments of glory had we walked away. We need you during these difficult months of waiting and transitioning, but we also hope you see that we serve a faithful God who heals and actually sets the lonely in families free, just like He said He would. And even through the tears and tantrums, we look at our children and marvel that God counted us worthy to raise them. We are humbled. We’ve been gifted with a very holy task." -Jen Hatmaker

Summer weekends

Summer weekends have to be on my top ten list of favorite things. Here's a glimpse....

breakfast at la mie with friends
garage saling
finding two stools
nine and a half mile walks
talks about our future
ice cream
board games with friends
words in a bucket
laughing hysterically way too late at night
westwind
greeting people outside at church
wonderful music
lunch at jethro's
laying under a tree sharing my life with three wonderful women
ice cream again
sunday naps

Easily entertained?

Some would say yes

Thankful 89-100

saturday naps

laughter from words in a bucket ('what's short for mayonnaise' 'man')

two game nights in one weekend

theme dinners (beer that is)

trying five new recipes and all of them turning out edible

one was really really good

three were good

wine with live music

ryan planning a creative date night randomly

pancakes on a saturday morning

garage saling

a thoughtful friend who thought of me yesterday

Today

As I sit at my mother's grave, memories flood my mind. I love the family picture my dad choose for her tombstone. That day was the happiest day of my mom's life.

I want to remember that day.

I don't want to remember the months she spent in the hospital. The years she struggled to breathe. The days she couldn't get out of bed. The anxiety she faced daily as she fought to live. The ugliness of addiction.

That day she was on top of the world. That day, her surprise 53rd birthday, she smiles and smiled. She cried tears of great joy being surrounded by the ones she loved.

I think that day was one of my best days of my life too. When you give a gift to someone that is so greatly treasured, they give you an even greater gift back.

Thankful 82-88

learning i can take up to four allegra a day

water heater getting fixed for free since it was under warranty

a husband who loves to mow and loves me even though if I walk outside for even a minute while he is mowing a faucet in my nose will turn on

a clean kitchen

baking blueberry muffins

tozer, the dog, didn't jump on a visitor for the first time

first corn on the cob of the summer

Ode to My Allergies

I
don't
like
you
at
all.

Thankful 71-81

a big yard

naps on a blanket on above mentioned big yard

laughter

a God who wants me to pray to him

the sound of rain as i fall asleep

the sound of rain as i wake up

a husband who is willing to play battleship and stratego with me and gloat in my victories

a community of people who want to know God more

a community of people who want to experience the power of the Holy Spirit

medicine that makes my ears not itch

fresh flowers in my kitchen