Sunday, August 30, 2009

"...and you say, through the deepest possible pain, GOD is enough. GOD is enough. He is good. He will take care of us. He will satisfy us. HE WILL get us though this. He is our treasure. GOD, you are the strength of my heart and my portion forever." John Piper

Saturday, August 29, 2009


"I once wrote about something that my counselor said when I told him I felt like I was wrestling with God on some issues. He said, "God loves that." This is not the answer I was expecting. I thought he would say, "You need to trust the Lord more." Or "You need to let go and let God." But he didn't say that. Instead he remarked, "Jon, do you know what is true about wrestling? Have you ever stopped to think about the nature of wrestling? God loves to wrestle with us, because you can't wrestle with someone who is far away. They have to be close to you. It's a very intimate, personal activity." And I think he was right. I think that God wants me close. I think He wants me near to His side, close enough to feel His breath and know His strength. And when I approach to wrestle over an issue with Him, like Jacob wrestling, I don't think He is angry. I think He is happy, because I am close. Sure, I want to surrender and trust without question, but I no longer see wrestling as instant failure."

I found this here.


I've started to pick up running again slowly this summer, but have actually committed to it the past two weeks. Tonight I was pondering life and such while I was running and decided I really do like running. I hate the first few times when my body hates me for being dormant for so long, but once I hit a week of running, I love it.

Tonight I hit the six mile mark. (Which makes me wonder, when can I officially claim to be a runner? Is it when I run a certain distance? Is it when I run consistently for a certain amount of time? Is it when I run a mile in a certain amount of time?) It kind of bummed me out that I only ran 6 miles because my body could have done more. (My competitive nature was screaming at me to keep going.) But it was 1:30AM and I should sleep sometime...but now it is 2:45AM, so my plan still didn't work out so well.

Tonight I was also pondering the reasons I enjoying running. I thought I would enlighten you all.

-It allows me to unashamedly be an introvert. I don’t have to worry about acting a certain way around certain people. I can be alone and don’t have to constantly think about whom I should be spending my time right now. (Though I will say I do enjoy saying ‘good morning’ to all of the older ladies in my neighborhood who like to go for walks.) I can play the role of an extrovert extremely well, but sometimes I just don’t want to. I want to be able to escape.

-It gives me control. (This may or may not be a good thing.) I feel like the last four months of my life have been extremely unpredictable rollercoaster. I know God has a purpose in this rollercoaster and I trust him fully to bring me to the end of it. Most of this trusting takes the form of sitting back and waiting. (Some of it requires me to take steps of faith too, but I feel like steps at time are easier to take than just waiting.) There are few things that I feel like I actually control and running is one of them. (But now thinking about this, I could easily fall and break myself, so I guess I’m not in control as much as I think.) I know when I run what will happen. I know how far I will be able to run. I know how hard I can push my body. I know how I will feel when I am done. It’s predictable and in my life right now I enjoy predictable things.

-It is a time when I commune with God. When I run, it is just me and God. Thoughts and worries of the world seem to quickly escape my mind; my thoughts seem to be saturated with truth when I run. My mind is fixed on him alone. I can’t even explain the fellowship I feel during these times. It is a time when I can escape from the world and be alone with the God who loves me.

Monday, August 24, 2009


Growing up I was always believed without a shadow of a doubt that I was beautiful. I don't have any memories before college ever doubting this. Somehow my parents always instilled into my four sisters and I that we were beautiful. We didn't have to wear make-up for this to be true, but we could if wanted. I didn't ever think I needed to lose weight, but I was beautiful the way I was created.

I have no idea how my parents ever instilled this into me. I have a fear that I won't be able to instill this into my future daughters. This world scares me. It scares me because I have several friends who have struggled with different levels of bulimia to anorexia to over exercising. I have friends who have battled how they view their bodies for years and years. I have friends who would never ever leave the house without makeup on because they truly believe they are ugly without it. I have friends who could tell you that the moment they first believed they weren't beautiful. They could tell you the smallest details surrounding the event when the world told them they were ugly, overweight, or just not perfect. They could tell you the words that came from their parents mouth that first led to the insecurity of how they looked. They could pinpoint the moment that their world caved in. They could tell you the things they saw their parents do over and over that taught them to negatively view their bodies. They could tell you how their parents taught them to hate their bodies and never be satisfied with them.

How do you instill in your daughters that they are beautiful? How do you insure them that they are worthy of love? How do you protect your child from the lies of perfection that are constantly thrown at them?

Sunday, August 23, 2009

While I'm Waiting

This song has been running through my mind a lot this past week. The lyrics are a bit cheesy, but whatever. Even cheesy lyrics can speak truth to your heart.

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Lately it has felt like God dangled this good gift in front of me and then decided to pull it away. It's hard not to believe this at times because it is what I see and what I experienced, yet a sweet friend has reminded me over and over that it is not true. It's important to share my heart with God and to share that is how I feel but to ask him to change my perspective to one that is true. I know that God is good. God is good father. He is a good father who gives his children good gifts. He does not give them a snake when they ask for bread (Luke 11:11-13). I know that all things God works for the good of those who love him (Rom. 8:28). I know that my ultimate good is that God should receive glory. I know God will receive glory even through my heartache.

Another lesson that God has been reminding me of this week is that God is the God of all comfort (2 cor 1:3-5). ALL comfort. He comforts us in all of our troubles. ALL of our troubles. I find myself trying to comfort myself, trying to ease the pain, but that's not my job. God is the one who will comfort me; Jesus will heal my heart; I'm just called to trust him.


One of the cool ways my mom has blessed each of my siblings and I is that she kept a diary for us. Most of them start a month or two after we were conceived and continued until a year or two ago. Kelsey and I decided that we would turn our into blogs. Kelsey's is found here and mine here. Each day we post one entry from diary. Sometime only a couple of days will elapse before her next entry and sometime a whole year. Overall this should be really interesting because I have yet to read all of it and I'm absolutely sure she wrote about things that will embarrass me. But I guess the past is very much a part of who I am.

Thursday, August 20, 2009


I like the tv show Lost a whole lot. Sayid has always been my favorite character, but after I found this. Hurley (Jorge Garcia) has now moved way up in the list. He makes me smile a whole lot.

I'm anxiously waiting Jan. 2010!

Class of 2013

I found this via my old boss at the Salt Company and found it pretty interesting. It is a list of how the class of 2013 views the world released by Beloit College.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

tone deaf

I always kind of thought that I was tone deaf especially when I was in China. I remember having a private tutor for a week, so I could catch up on the speaking skills. She would say a word and I would repeat it. Well I would try to repeat it. And then she would say it again and then I would try to repeat it. She would get so frustrated and say no, no, no. Then finally I would repeat it in what I thought was the wrong tone and she would get so excited that I said it right. After a week, she gave up on me and I decided it was a better use of my time to learn how to read and write well rather than speak.

Well here is a test for you to find out if you are tone deaf.

You should take it and tell me your results. I'm slightly ashamed to admit my results, but I will. I got 9 out of 26 right. That officially qualifies me for some study on people who are tone deaf. :(

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

new quest

I have a new quest in life to be a healthier person. Mostly because I would like to be forty someday and not have high cholestrol and high blood pressure like the majority of my mom's 10 siblings.

So far...
-I've taken a multi-vitamin every day for a month.
-I've tried to make a lot more food and have tried to stay away from processed food. I've made -homemade honey whole-wheat bagels, homemade granola, and zucchini brownies.
-I was going for a run every day for about a week until I mysteriously lost my tennis shoes. I seriously have absolutely no idea where they went. If you see them, I would love for you to let me know where they are. I'm giving them a few more days to show themselves before I invest in a new pair. In the absence of my tennis shoes, I've been trying to walk every night for at least a couple of miles still.
-I'm striving to get 8 hours of sleep a night. This was working really well until my summer job ended and now I am in the strange place patiently waiting for a full time job and working overnights until that comes about.
-For at least a month, I have been eating three meals a day. I had always skipped breakfast, but I'm trying to make it a staple in my life though it is not the most enjoyable thing.
-I've stopped drinking caffeine, yes again, for almost a month now. It's amazing when you get enough sleep and you are caffeine free how much energy you have.
-I've not been able to cut soda completely out of my life, but I try to limit myself to one sprite a day. With this, I've been drinking a whole lot more water to which is good.
-I've stopped texting while driving too. This doesn't really make me a healtheir person, but I guess my chances of dieing an earlier death are probably greatly reduced. I'm currently going at about a month too of being a text free driver, so everyone should feel a little safer on the roads now.
-I also was so tempted to go to a tanning bed every day for about two weeks, but in this new quest I decided maybe I shouldn't try to give myself cancer. (I still don't care about wrinkles though Kassie.)

Thats all I got now. Most of this is going at a month, so I feel pretty confident that I making lifestyle changes rather than just going through a phase, well thats my goal at least.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Matt 25

I've read this many times, but tonight it blew me out of the water again.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did was see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of min, you did for me.'

Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."
Matt. 25:34-46