I'm not someone who sits idle very easily. I want to have a life plan. I want to have it all figured out. And in that plan, I want to change the world. I want to be out doing something that will make the difference in people's lives. My greatest desire above knowing God and making him known is to have a family. If God doesn't give me a family, I want to go to the nations and serve him there or I'm ready to move to the inner-city and serve there. I want to be doing something big. I don't want to sit and wait. I don't want to be content serving God right here where He has placed me now.
So on my drive home, I was telling all this to God. I'm not happy working hard right now paying off my school debt (even though my desire in doing this is so I can be free from that burden, so that I can have the freedom to go to the nations, innercity, or wherever else.) I want to be doing something bigger. I'm not content just loving those around me right now; I want to be doing more. I then heard this part of "Until the Whole World Hears" by Casting Crowns on the radio.
"We'll sing until the whole world hears
Want to be your hands and feet
Want to be a life that leads
To see you set the captive free
Until the whole world hears."
This song just made me even more discontent. I want to be doing something big right now. I want to do something that will let the whole world hear now not later. I was getting mad at God too. Why can't I be in a place right now where I can see some of my desires being fulfilled? Why am I single? Why do I live in Des Moines, IA far from any inner-city? Why am I here?
So here comes the kicker....
I get off the interstate on my exit and see a car pulled off on the top with it's blinkers on. I see a girl inside just sitting and waiting. I immediately think I should help her, so I pull into a nearby parking lot to turn around. And then I second guess myself and think 'really what kind of help can I offer someone in their car' (My dad did make me take intro to auto in high school, but that only taught me so much.) I sit in the parking lot for about a minute arguing with myself and finally think 'why not see if I can help her.' I get out of my car and run over to hers and ask if she needs help. She goes on to tell me that she is seven months pregnant and just ran out of gas.
I then offered to go and get some gas for her. On the way to the gas station and on the way back there were two lights. All four of them where green when I got to them. And then when I got to the gas station, the attendent found a broken gas container that they couldn't sell that I was able to use (usually you have to buy them at this gas station.) I felt like God was just preparing the way for me. Then here's the second kicker...I had switched radio stations during the drive and what do I hear again. Yep I heard "Until the Whole World Hears" by Casting Crowns...
'Lord I want my life to be the song you sing
Until the whole world hears, Lord we are calling out
Lifting your name up for all to hear the sound"
I started crying. (Yeah I become a bit of a feeler in the past month.) God blew me away. It was like He was saying 'Woah Kaci, do you trust me? Do you believe that knowing me is greater than anything you can do? Do you believe that I can put the right people in your path to serve and love at the right time? Do you believe I can use you to make my name known anywhere at anytime?'
He reminded me of so much truth. He has put me here where I am now. There is a reason for it and I am doing something for his kingdom. I am making his name known in this world even if it is Des Moines, IA. There are people here that I can serve and love with all my heart. The discontentment I was feeling was not from God at all. He has divinely placed me here at this time of my life and I can praise him for that. I can trust him with every moment now, but I can also trust him with every moment in my future that is to come. God has plans for me; they may not look like I want them to be, but I am promised that they will bring him much glory. And that above all is the desire of my heart.