Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Today

Today was a sad day.  I haven't had many of those at all recently and then driving home from working out, it hit me.  Hit me hard.  Like full out crying.  Like I considered pulling over and stopping because I'm sure I was a danger to those driving around me.

My grandpa is pretty sick in the hospital, but he's been in bad shape for a long time.  His family doctor calls him his Miracle Baby.  The test came back that 3 of his 4 passageways to his heart are 100% blocked.  He's too fragile to do any kind of surgery, so it is just a wait and see game.

Wow my heart is broken for my family.  If he passes away, wow, thats all I can say.  My aunts and uncles in one year would have lost their mother, their father, a brother and a sister.  And my dad would have lost his wife and one of his best friends.

I keep trying to comprehend how someone could go through so much pain.  I'm not sure how other people do it, but I know I have to believe in the hope that is to come.  I have to believe that God is good.  I have to believe that I have had hope in the past, that I have hope now, and that I will always have hope.

I think today was so sucky because I try to carry other people's burdens.  I want to fix problems.  I want to make things all better.  But there is no way to make this better.  It is just hard.  And it will always be hard.  And the thing is life will never get back to the way it was.  But life's course has forever changed.  It is going to look different and that is hard.  Different isn't bad, but different takes lots of time to adjust to.



A Side Note:  I think the hardest part about losing someone is knowing you can't make new memories with them in it.  The memories you have are all you will ever have of them...that boggles my mind and makes me really sad sometimes.

1 comment:

ben.cuentas said...

thanks kaci....i understand