Saturday, April 10, 2010

That Girl

While I was eating lunch with one of my amazing friends and we were vomiting our soul to each other as that often happens when we get together, I felt like I was smacked across the face with some hard truth.

I was telling my friend how the last three weeks have been harder for me than the second and third week after my mom passed away. Palm Sunday, Good Friday, Easter mixed in with an engagement. I've found myself crying a lot during these three weeks--in the car, every time I've gone to church, sitting at my desk, on a run.

Until yesterday, I hadn't told anyone this.

Why?

Because I have such a fear of being 'That Girl.'

I don't want to be labeled the girl who always cries. The girl who can't control her emotions. The girl who isn't strong enough to move on. The girl who is weak. The girl who can't do it on her own.

so much pride....

cause the truth is I am the girl who always cries, I am the girl who can't control her emotions, I am the girl who isn't strong enough on her own, I am the girl who is weak, I am the girl who can't do it on her own.

Here's the thing...

It is okay if I am that girl. Jesus never told me I had to control my emotions, Jesus never said I can't cry, Jesus never said I needed to be strong, Jesus never said I had to face this all alone.

So to throw my pride to the ground, I wanted the world to know I am weak, I will cry, I can't do this on my own...but I know Christ will be with me every step of the way.

I know He is the one who in the midst of pain will cause something beautiful to grow.

4 comments:

Kassie said...

I love you Kaci!!!

I love the new picture too at the top of your blog.

Cindy said...

You are not only that girl, you are just human and you would be crazy if you did not cry and miss your mom terribly. Remember it is called the grieving PROCESS you will never totally get over it. Side note did you know there used to be a TV show called That Girl?

Holly Renee said...

I love how honest and open you are. Crying can be good therapy. I know exactly how you feel with not wanting to be "that" girl. Keep sharing your process and know that you are on the right track. You are amazing!

Jessica said...

Crying and pitching a fit over not getting your way is being "that girl".
Crying because your soul needs it makes you human. Why else were you given the ability?