Friday, May 7, 2010

Question of the day

I would love some it if people left their thoughts behind as comments to this post.  Feel free to be anonymous.

I've been struggling a lot this week (oh to be honest, these past five months) with being alone versus being surrounded by community when it comes to my emotional health.  I definitely need time to be alone and process things and feel like I get very little of that time in my life.  I also know when I go through hard times it is easiest for me to want to be alone all the time (though that rarely ever happens because I'm a busy person.)

I've discovered when times get the hardest I want to run away and hide for my own emotional sake.  I think part of this is because I don't want to have to admit that I am in need, broken or hurt.  But also part of it is because I just need alone time.  I need time to refresh and be alone with Jesus.

I also know I hate crying in front of people and admitting I'm sad not because I'm ashamed of the actual act I just don't want the attention to be about me.  I strongly dislike being the center of attention. But I also know God has created the Body of Christ for a reason.  To rejoice with those who rejoice.  To mourn with those who mourn.  But that is so hard when you are the one mourning.

Where this ramble has come from is I am deciding whether or not I want to go to church this weekend.  I love the Body of Christ God has given me.  They are amazing people who desire to mourn with me.  But I don't know if I want those people to enter into that with me on Mother's Day because I don't want the attention to be about me.  I also would love some time with just me and sweet Jesus and my tears and no one else. So I'm not sure what I'm going to do....

I would love to hear your thoughts....


cindy said...

I will share my story about my Dad. As you know he died when I was 6, but I did not realize he was dead until my grandpa died and I was 31 years old (1 year younger than he was when he died). I woke up crying on fathers day, I went to church and the tears did not turn off, and to top it all off they sang the hymn that was sung at my Dad's funeral. I went home and continued to cry. Finally Sparky told me to go see my mom or my aunt Judy. I ended up going to see my grandma when I walked in the door crying and my grandma asked what was wrong I couldn't talk and that was when my grandma said "Cindy your Dad did not want to leave you he could not help it." It seems simple and a little rediculous, but that was all I needed. I finally quit crying and could deal with the rest of the day. Grieving is strange. I think if you need to stay home Sunday and be by yourself you should do it. Just know that some day you will go to church on mother's day and God will bring the right person to you to bring you comfort when you are ready.

Kassie said...

Mother's day hasn't really been stressing me out (strangely enough), I guess it is because I've been focusing on the "I'm a mother" part of it, and not on the "honor my mother" part.

It is a tricky thing - but I think it'll be easier to be surrounded by your friends than be by yourself.

But another alternative is to go spend the day with Dad (or Kate or Melinda). I'm sure being together would make the day easier on both of you, and both of you have the same sort of pain, so one of you isn't feeling bad for the other.

kaci jo said...

kassie--I'm for sure going for most of the day to go hang out with dad, kelsey and kinsey in perry.

Mrs. Farley said...

Stay home girl.

Do what you need to do for yourself.

Spend some sweet time with Jesus, or watch your favorite movie.

Do "mothers day things" or forget that it is even mothers day.

Spend the day doing what you need most for your emotions. You deserve to spend this day however you want.

The body is a wonderful thing, but it is right that we are just alone sometimes. It isn't wrong to need time away from the body, or need time to spend with others that aren't part of the body.

Go with your heart on this one sweetie and spend the day how you need, not how you might be "expected to" by the worlds standards.

Yaya' s Home said...

I'm sorry I didn't see this post in time to give my input. However, I do think that this question will come up again, whether on another Mother's Day or another day when you are feeling alone, it does not matter.

My mama passed away in 1986 and there are times I still need to be alone and just enjoy the heartache of remembering when she was with me.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone. I think that we need that, sometimes. Even Christ found the need to be alone. Think of the Garden of Gethsemane.

On occasion, we need to step back and replenish the strength that will carry us through. There are times when being with others is helpful and the best way to go. I think that when you feel the need to be alone, though, you should.

Its just possible that in those times, Heavenly Father needs time to speak to your heart.

I hope you were able to meet the day in the way that best helped you. Grief can sometimes come on us when we least expect it, but it is an important step in our growth.


~ Yaya
Yaya's Home